Life of Service

Every international vacation I take - or at least the ones I have taken to Zambia, Belize and Mexico - bring up a tension in my life that I cannot, and maybe will not, reconcile. Basically, I believe that because there is so much suffering in the world, those of us that are comfortable should dedicate ourselves to helping those that are suffering (this comes from both Christian - Luke 12:48 - and secular social justice traditions). Unfortunately, the conflict arises in how much one should dedicate themselves to service.

In a world with incredible amounts of misery, it would seem than that one should dedicate themselves fully to service. However, dedicating yourself to service completely prevents you from many of the beauties and joys in life. To deliver a level of service I think the world deserves from me would require me to live a much more modest lifestyle and allow myself much less free time for myself. With that type of lifestyle, having a solid relationship and family is near impossible.

It is also however a standard that I cannot fathom living up to. Mostly because it isn't such an easy moral choice about spending my money on caviar versus donating to charity, or spending my time with worthless pursuits versus volunteering. Instead it can the choice between saving money for the future or donating, and spending time reading, learning music, traveling, and giving myself to family, versus volunteering.

In fact though, I don't even have to look at volunteering because the choice comes through work as well. I work in government trying to make policy that makes peoples' lives better. The longer hours I work, the more I'll be able to improve government services. But again, getting caught up in the work can be exhausting, and takes me away from my family and activities that make me happy.

So many things in life are choices that involve trade-offs - for instance a choice between more liberty or more fairness and between more economic vitality or more social protection. In all of these cases, the extremes are the least desirable options. So is the case with my life. I cannot really see myself being completely dedicated to service of the world, nor entirely dedicated to beauty and family. So the trick is in the constant re-evaluation, constant marginal changes to correct for going too far in one direction.

After Zambia I felt that I was not doing enough to actually make people's lives better. I have a new job since then and I feel I am doing better work and that I am having more of an impact (although not quite enough to completely remove that guilty feeling). But now after Mexico, I wonder if I am getting too caught up in work and not doing enough to just enjoy the beauty of life - not doing enough to find the peace and joy.

This feeling I have now will not impact my immediate future, but has implications on plans for the future. This city can consume you - its blinding speed and sense that it, the city, is all that matters. I compare it to scuba diving in a current - it can be rewarding and exhilarating, but you get swept up in it so much that it is hard to remember that you can go places where there is no current and just float slowly enjoying the tranquility and beauty and peace around you.

The truth is that I prefer calm dives with no current because I prefer slower dives where I can float and explore. I'm not positive though if the metaphor carries over into my work life. Will I enjoy a slower life in a smaller place more than the bustle of NY? There will always be places where there are people that need help, so that won't be a problem. But will it feel insignificant compared to New York, where everything feels like the most significant thing in the world? And will that matter?

The reason I write such a personal post on a political blog is that each individual decision like mine has implications on our society. And most of our political debates revolve around this very issue. Many on the right just want to enjoy their own lives and not be bothered serving other people. Most on the left want society to help other people and are willing to trade some of their income (if not always their time) to accomplish that. There are many more dimensions to our debates, but this is definitely one of them.

In ourselves and our country, as these competing interests pull out ourselves and our politics, you see incremental changes and corrections. My sense is that the changes, when looked at broadly, show a slow but general progression to more service and help so that all can have a basic, decent standard of living.

I also think though that we can have a lot of both. I think I can have a life where I give a lot of myself in service, but also spend enough time with my family and for myself to enjoy the beauties of life. And I also firmly believe that we can raise enough revenue to support programs for the most vulnerable in our society without robbing people of the ability to have a good life and reap the rewards of their hard work and ingenuity.

The devil is in the details, and we often spend a lot of time working and thinking about the exact right combination. But the good news is that if we do not always get it perfect, we get close most of the time.