An Ideal Marriage?

Ross Douthat wrote an intersting, but wholly wrong column on gay marriage. He seems to be saying that heterosexual marriage at its best offers more than homosexual marriage at its best. It's nice that he isn't saying gay marriage is bad. However, I completely disagree with that. He and everyone else that take this similar position have it all wrong.

Actually, before I comment on the part of his argument I did find interesting, let me deal with a few things that were actually pretty stupid. First, Douthat seems to lump gay marriage in with serial monogamy, and no fault divorce. This is absurd. These things have nothing to do with each other. Second, he seems to suggest that one ideal will replace another. Instead, we are likely to see not one ideal (serial monogamy versus lifelong partnerships) but a realization that both / all are acceptable ways to live ones life.

Now for the interesting part of his argument. Douthat says that society should hold up ideal relationships for everyone to strive for. I agree. However, his ideal form of marriage includes many characteristics that are superficial and unimportant. Ideal family situations should have parent(s) that are loving and supportive and have enough time to provide effective care. This can be a single parent or two-parent, same sex or opposite sex, household. Gender and biological connection are irrelevant.

His article reminded me of a conversation I had with a former co-worker. She was saying to me that she wanted her son would marry someone of the same ethnicity (she and her husband had immigrated from another country). She said marriage was hard work, and having different cultures mixing would just create another challenge that a marriage doesn't need.

I can imagine someone using Douthat's logic to say that ideal marriages are between people of the same ethnicity or race. Since that is the case, society has an interest in promoting that ideal and therefore refusing to confer the ultimate title of marriage to all that do not conform. We long ago rejected this argument against interracial marriages (although a justice of the peace in Louisiana still holds this position).

It is heartening to see people move away from the truly intolerant language on an issue like gay marriage and struggle to find more reasonable ways to oppose it. It means the debate is moving in the right direction. However, you can see the strain in the logic, and it becomes clear that this argument is flawed as well.