Support All Families

Ross Douthat tweeted this week that liberals are unlikely to support two-parent families once they (we) win the battle on marriage equality. My response was, why should we only support two-parent families - why not support all families?

For a while, I passively agreed with that sentiment. Children are more successful in two-parent settings, so we should naturally support that setting. I didn't go as far as others, who thought we should intervene a little more to encourage a woman to marry the father of her child. But otherwise, I couldn't disagree with supporting all marriage.

But it was that tweet that got me thinking. Yes, I know the literature shows that children in two-parent families have better outcomes. But doesn't that actually mean that we should do a better job of supporting single-parent families?

Those that hold the biblical and judgmental view that single-parent families are immoral will of course want policy to push people into two-parent situations. And they does this without understanding or respecting that the otherwise single parent might have good reasons to stay away from a marriage.

But if you take away the judgment, if you accept that many different family arrangements are acceptable, then the obvious answer is to support single-family parents more. Anyone who is a parent in a dual parent household knows how hard it is to be a parent even in the two-parent situation. And those of us that are in two-parent situations can imagine - to some degree - how hard it would be if we were doing this alone. And knowing how hard it is, we should then know that we need to help those that are single-parents.

I think my main disagreement with Douthat and others that share his view is on whether there is one right way to live a life. Or that there is an easy way to lead the right life. Their view is that two-parent families are the right way, and it isn't hard to find a partner and stay together. I think that life is complicated, people make decisions, often the right decisions, and so doing end up in different situations.

And there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with two same-sex individuals being in love and wanting to spend their lives together - with children or without. There is nothing wrong with a single-parent wanting to raise a family. And there is nothing wrong with a two-parent household not wanting to get married but still staying together. There are lots of different and perfectly acceptable ways to live a life.

So I don't think we need to "support marriage". I think we need to support people so that everyone can have a rich and fulfilling life. And so that all children can have a minimum level of support and opportunities to be successful.